"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm.
Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it."
- Golda Meir
OUR FAVORITES
Growing old is a question of mind over matter. Provided you don't mind it really doesn't matter.
No matter what your age you always look upon the last five years with regret and to the next five with apprehension.
Life is a theatre – growing old the drama to be performed. It's just unfortunate that no dress rehearsal is allowed.
Mastering the art of growing old requires many years of dedicated practice.
Ageing should be undertaken like a fine wine maturing rather than an inferior cheese decaying.
As a youth you desperately want to change the world. As you grow older you discover that the world is changing faster than you can endure.
"You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Ogden Nash
A TRIFECTA OF
OUR FAVORITES THIS WEEK.
WIN:
Elderly Couple In Church
An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, " I just let a silent fart what do you think I should do?"
He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
PLACE:
NO SEX SINCE 1955
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."
She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "You think so? It's only 2130 now."
YA GOT TO LOVE THAT MILITARY TIME!
SHOW:
FIRST DATE SEX?
"I believe in having sex on a first date," confessed Betty.
"That's very modern thinking for an eighty year old," replied her young friend, Sally.
Betty smiled. "Well, when you're dating eighty-year-old men you can never be quite sure of getting a second date."
"Wrinkles should merely indicate
where smiles have been."
- Mark Twain
INVISIBLE? WHEN DID I BECOME INVISIBLE?
I'd sneak a peek at a naked Mary Lou Bjorken in the girls' locker room. Oh I admit, I was too young to know what to look for, but that would have sucked none of the excitement from the scene. Kaiser invisibleInvisible at our daily baseball game, I would hit an infield homer, reappearing just as I touched home plate. READ FULL STORY
Tom Braun, or resident (retired) pharmacist and columnist, is offering his video, "Hello Sunshine, Vitamin D Explored" - which is all about the importance of Vitamin D for good health - for only 10 cents plus shipping. Quantities are limited. If you have a loved one or a friend struggling with good health, order it for them. It may help save someone's life. Order from Amazon.com. To learn more, please visit Tom's website www.n2e4u.com to order. Read Tom Braun's columns here.
"Granny gets her Groove On in Mexico's Riviera Maya" is this week's travel column, sent by reader Carol Stigger, recounting a vacation with her grandchildren where she "zip-lined" in a hammock through the forest and retained her title as "The Bravest Grandma Ever." READ ON...
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Are you Single and Looking? Good news!
Try SuddenlySeniorDating.com
An online dating website where Seniors can meet their match! Free to join!
SENIOR TRAVEL: THINKING OF GETTING AWAY? We love to travel, and there's a big world out there.
Read all about our travels, so far.
Our travel pages have a lot of new money-saving information you can use whether you're traveling 10 or 10,000 miles.
Are You Ever Too Old For an Orgy?
Not if today's seniors have anything to say about it. We may embarrass our kids and shock the neighbors, but wrinkly Romeos and sagging seductresses are just carrying on a time-honored tradition.
Have Sex Like You Did 50 Years Ago!
The real pièce de résistance, though, was that first line of defense no mother would let her daughter out without: the dreaded girdle.
Sex After 60 (Probably a very short column) Of course, many of the younger generation, including our sons and daughters, find it disgusting that Granny and Gramps could still be doing it. "More than you think," says Frank. "Much more!"
"Hey, Cutie Pie. I've Got Viagra!" A Look at Today's Senior Dating Dating, the second time around, has its pitfalls. Senior men seem tobelieve mature women want nothing more than a warm body who doesn't miss the toilet too often. Senior women claim they're lucky to find a man who can remember where he left his teeth. Learn the ugly truth here.
Sex After Death? Heaven Forbid!
As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn't pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay.
The Key to Great Sex
What really catches my eye is the dazzling red type across from the photo saying, "Your Penis Shrinks 19.8% as you get older due to deficiency of testosterone!"
Taking It All Off for GeezerCam
With WebCams for everything else, it's time for GeezerCam. The camera could follow my every movement from the times I get up in the middle of the night to pee right through my exciting day until my wife and I shake hands at bedtime. Exciting? You bet!
Looking for Mr. Oldbar
Dozens of sightings of senior citizens engaged in outdoor sexual activities leads to an investigation of "Looking for Love" classified ads for the senior set.
When Wild Oats Turn Into Prunes and All Bran
One minute you're a male sex object, the next, you're a lecherous old fart with bad breath, bad teeth, and probably badly in need of Viagra.
SINCE 1999, AMERICA'S MOST TRUSTED SENIOR CITIZEN WEBSITE
Erma Bombeck
"Humor Writer of the Month"
"Kaiser's the perfect mix of Andy Rooney, Dave Barry, and Garrison Keillor, combining knee-slapping humor with useful information and genuine compassion." RETIRED.COM
This weeks jokes are dedicated to all of us who will have Birthdays this year, whether we celebrate them or not.
Anyway, Happy Birthday to all of us, dear readers. It is because of your loyalty, that Suddenly Senior, in all it's many facets, exists.
I'd sneak a peek at a naked Mary Lou Bjorken in the girls' locker room. Oh I admit, I was too young to know what to look for, but that would have sucked none of the excitement from the scene. Kaiser invisibleInvisible at our daily baseball game, I would hit an infield homer, reappearing just as I touched home plate. 
Tom Braun, or resident (retired) pharmacist and columnist, is offering his video, 
"Granny gets her Groove On in Mexico's Riviera Maya" is this week's travel column, sent by reader Carol Stigger, recounting a vacation with her grandchildren where she "zip-lined" in a hammock through the forest and retained her title as "The Bravest Grandma Ever." 
