Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
Janette Barber
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
Jan King
A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!"
Linda Ellerbee
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
Lily Tomlin
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.
Geri Jewell
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
Carrie Snow
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
Laurie Kuslansky
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
Bette Davis
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
Rhonda Hansome
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
Jane Sellman
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
Jennifer Unlimited
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
Caryn Leschen
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Jennifer Unlimited
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
Kathy Buckley
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
Roseanne Barr
I think---therefore I'm single.
Lizz Winstead
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Gloria Steinem
I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
Marie Corelli
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
Linda Ellerbee
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Eleanor Roosevelt-
